Month: August 2019

“Who controls who?
the machine controls man?
or does man control the machine?”
Those were the words of my brother
as I stalled his car for the second or third time
I had started to look a bit frustrated prior to his questions
“man controls the machine,” I said…
“ok, so let’s go,” he said

My brother was my hero through my childhood
I remember wanting to do everything with him,
I played with marvels on the dirt,
climbed on trees and hanged out with him outside
I even wanted to dress like him and wear his handy downs
and then the day came, “you can’t come with me,” he said
I was confused, “why?” I asked, “they’re all big guys”
he was going to play soccer at the park
and I couldn’t come because I was a little girl

Years later, I was ready to go to college and went downstairs to wake him up
He said, “you can take my car, my class is cancelled”
Shocking! “I don’t think I’m ready yet!” I said
He rolled over, ignored me, and went back to sleep
“OK,” I prayed prior to departure an off I went
What now? My mentor wasn’t by my side…
For the sake of the slopes I pulled the handle brake a few times
but I did not stall or hit anyone’s nose
I felt quit victorious as I pulled in the school’s parking lot
And as my last class ended, all I could think about was driving back home

It was my brother who implanted my “love” for machines
He believed and trusted in my skills, he had taught me to “control the machine”
And as I got older speed became part of the passion
My first car, a 2000 VW Jetta manual grew my desire to race
My loyalty to the law betrayed my desire to go 100 mph
but I managed to squeeze in a few of them at times

Then came the boat! The experience “takes your breath away”
There’s the breeze of the Atlantic Ocean,
or the green lush of the New England forests shining on the water,
and the perfection of the sky, with the most beautiful sound of splashing water,
all in one speed!

Then came the plane! I was flying over the hills of Vermont
In a small yellow training plane, “it’s your turn to fly,” I was told
My teeth almost fell out because I couldn’t stop smiling
“What do you think?” the pilot asked… “I love it, this is amazing!”
Up and down we went, until my pilot said it’s time to go back.

As I drive through the streets at night and see that shiny green light at the distance…
off I go and ask God, “Will I die of joy as we fly over the New Jerusalem?”
I have yet to drive a ship, a train, an eighteen wheeler, a motorcycle, and a few more trucks!
and my conscious perhaps forbids me to go on a race track
But I know that none of these will suffice the greatest adventure of all
to fly from planet to planet once Jesus rescues us to take us home on the clouds
What a day that will be, when my Jesus I shall see!

This text is dedicated to my brother, Luis Miguel Tapia Ramos
the one and only who gave my family three more bundles of joy, his three children

Each one of us experiences pain, some may experience more than others but for each the feelings are the same, it’s exhausting and we urge to get rid-off of it quickly.

I experienced deep pain on my chest while in college, every breath that I took was so painful that breathing turned into a sword. It punctured my chest with vibration. The nurse asked me to lay down on my back and I screamed of pain. Crying was no longer shameful but it made me breath deeper, it was my own enemy. I didn’t want to breath anymore but I did want to live. Sickness has always been the worse scenario in my life, and I didn’t want to anticipate the results but I still concluded… I’m ill. Why were there so many foolish questions, couldn’t she tell I couldn’t breath. “Honey, I’m sorry, I know it’s painful but I still need you to answer these questions,” said the nurse. Once she left, I found pleasure in breathing and was perfectly capable to think extra negatively, I started to ignorantly diagnose myself of the possibilities of this extreme pain. I got an x-ray and was asked to wait for my results. I could sense the pity in the nurse and the doctor, it increased my ignorance. Am I dying… slowly? Is my heart failing? Positivity was so foreign at that time, that only the worse could be in my body. And then… the doctor entered the room, “You’re heart looks perfect! …we have eliminated the worse, you have pleurisy!” Whatever that was, it seemed to be a good thing, and it brought relief. All of a sudden he turned into the top doctor in the state of Massachusetts or perhaps the country. He continued, “this is caused by the inflammation of the pleura, the skin around your lungs. When the pleura gets inflamed it causes extreme pain on your chest. Any healthy youth can get it, the cause is rare, some get it after a cold or some other virus going around. The pain will slowly go away, I can give you anti-inflammatories to reduce it.”

Well… I smiled. All I needed to hear was that I would be ok, scratch the drugs, I’ll bare the pain I thought. This was the first time in my adult life that I realized how cruel it is to be sick, how hard it is to be nice when ill, and how negative one can be. I was finally happy with my pain, it belonged to me and I could bare it because I knew it would go away.

These body aches, as hard as they are, reminded me that vulnerability is the struggle to live. That struggle turns into dependency on others’s words, encouragement, care, and love. When we loose the ability to think straight we think too much of ourselves, and thinking about one’s problems is depressing, pitiful. Whatever the condition may be we have to be there for the ill, and we have to be at the best of our state to help others overcome what once may have consumed us. Paul says, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

May our walk be that of Paul, to be content in whatever state we are, understanding that our redeemer and savior will be by our side even in the worse of our conditions, and his infinite love  will rain over our passing suffering for there is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear! 

Verses taken from Philippians 4:11-13 & 1 John 4:18