In the darkness he sings the ópera of the heart, the joy of the day, the voice of my melody
How can someone become so small to sing out of a box?
Through the two giant speakers you could hear him clearly saying “vuelve, ven!”
The choir also sings in the background “ven” to which the girl replies ” I can’t I’m too big” but even at age three she recognizes the necessity to go, to be there, to return home. The gates of heaven will open wide and everyone will walk through it, but what if he can’t get out of the box? I must rescue him! He’s too little to brake through the bars. The girl seats quietly and waits for his voice to sing again, “Alla será mejor!”
Can one’s voice live through time, can one’s voice fly through the sky and reach a broken heart, can one’s voice sing so loud that angels rejoice over the earth?
Today I heard a beautiful sermon about relationships. Follow this link if you would like to hear it: https://audiover.se/2oQBd8g
Someone recently advised me, “now that you have seen the options, (that there aren’t any), wouldn’t you reconsider him?” I smiled, and kept silent. But it made me wonder… is one supposed to choose quickly and marry fearing single old age? It seems peaceful and safer to be single and in love with God, than married to the wrong person.
My only hope for singles contemplating marriage is to really seek God and search for wise counsel. If one is not at peace with a particular relationship, he/she should seek God before hurting and wasting someone else’s time. I forced myself to be in two serious relationships (when marriage was the goal) and both of them ended. This idea of settling down sometimes deviates our purpose in life. To live fully, is to be happy within one’s own situation.
I’ve witnessed unions that were troublesome from the beginning who moved forward with marriage. Most of the time it seems like, marriage made the relationship worse. The verse found in Matthew 6:24, “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other…” reminds me of the union we ought to establish with God before anyone else. If our relationship with God is weak, we will place our partner before God, contradicting the meaning of true love.
I believe with all my heart that marriage is about serving God. I’ve concluded that the devil matches people all the time – pushing them to marriage, to interfere in the goal that God had for one of them. Does it make sense to you the reader?
Time, time, and time again, it seems like we are all rushing into decisions because of time. Life on this earth cannot be compared to eternity. People advise me, “You have to be intentional! Tell them that you like them, seat by them, talk to them, become friends with his friends! Do something about it… you are running out of time…” I say, “I’m going to die as one (hopefully happy) old maid.” It seems really easy to choose the one you like and make conversation with him, search for him, catch him by the neck and force him to like you back. But it is actually pretty terrifying for some of us. I was born in the wrong era, I still hope that if a man finds something positive in me, he will make an effort to make his interest known. Sometimes I lose faith in what I hope, but the Bible reminds me of the promises of eternal life and I consider how beautiful life already is. God is love, I think of how I could have matched myself up when I felt lonely, but that would have brought pain to the other person. So I knew I could only be strong in the Lord to make someone else happy, not to be a burden. See the Bible says, “It’s not good for man to be alone,” I agree, because we never are, God is always with us, and His time is always perfect.
Aspirations were ahead of me each school year
My role model, my sister, was very accomplished at age 14
She obtained first place in her class year after year
I admired and looked up to her as she wore “señorita” clothes and shoes
My fancy clothes, at age ten, were my dad’s dress gifts
I don’t remember choosing what to wear
But my sister, she had earn the right to choose her clothes!
She was mature, lady-like, and old enough to make her own decisions
She was in the varsity volleyball team and was part of the Youth Committee at church
I still admire my sister’s strength and courage
Especially when it came to living on her own, not by choice
My parents had decided to relocate our family to the States
Both my brother and I joined them six months after they left Peru
But my sister’s visa was rejected, so she moved to Argentina
There, my parents thought, she could live closer to my mom’s family
There she would attend university, but the plan was always for her to reunite with us
She was only 17 when my parents left Peru, and 18 by the time my brother and I left
I remember spending more time together with my sister as I got older
She finally took me on her trips with her girlfriends.
During the six months, while my parents lived in the States
My siblings and I moved to Chiclayo with our grandparents from my dad’s side
There, we spent one of the best and longest vacations we could afford
My brother had to hang out with 6 girls, grandma, aunt, two cousins, and us sisters
My grandpa entertained us with Chinese checkers, and army whistles each morning
We hang out at the beach, walked on the streets at night, talked, and laughed very much
After attending to change our visa status, the lawyer advice our parents to retrieve our paper work, we could no longer leave the country.
Back in Argentina, my sister’s visa had been rejected for the third time.
We were separated not knowing for how long.
Our grandma in Peru got ill, so my sister flew to Peru to take care of the responsibility of the oldest son of the family, our dad’s.
She got to see our grandma in her worse conditions, and stand with the rest of the family at the funeral.
While in Argentina, she got to experience our mom’s side of the family
There she became very close with our grandma, mom’s mom
Our grandma loved God dearly, on one of her bible study visits she was hit by a drunk driver causing her early death.
Again the responsibility and honor to be with the rest of the family at one of our family’s funeral became my sister’s, she had to bear severe pain
Eleven years went by, and our family was finally ready and anxiously waiting at the airport for my sister’s arrival from Buenos Aires, Argentina!
That moment was a living testimony of God’s love for us
We cried, we laughed, we kissed and hugged
And it felt like my sister had always being home
Nothing was awkward, everything was beautiful and emotional
From that year 2013 and the next years, she visited for Christmas and New Year’s
Until she was able to relocate to the States in 2017
We won’t know why God allowed this separation to happen, it’s irrelevant to ask why. But to believe and trust that miracles can happen strengthens our faith and our willingness to serve Him. Praise God for my sister, she can now experience the love of my parents, brother, sister-in-law, and the awesomeness of our nieces and nephew!
This text is dedicated to my sister, Nathaly Danna Tapia Ramos, who continues to carry the señorita role model to the next generation, our nieces Marcela and Milani
“Who controls who?
the machine controls man?
or does man control the machine?”
Those were the words of my brother
as I stalled his car for the second or third time
I had started to look a bit frustrated prior to his questions
“man controls the machine,” I said…
“ok, so let’s go,” he said
My brother was my hero through my childhood
I remember wanting to do everything with him,
I played with marvels on the dirt,
climbed on trees and hanged out with him outside
I even wanted to dress like him and wear his handy downs
and then the day came, “you can’t come with me,” he said
I was confused, “why?” I asked, “they’re all big guys”
he was going to play soccer at the park
and I couldn’t come because I was a little girl
Years later, I was ready to go to college and went downstairs to wake him up
He said, “you can take my car, my class is cancelled”
Shocking! “I don’t think I’m ready yet!” I said
He rolled over, ignored me, and went back to sleep
“OK,” I prayed prior to departure an off I went
What now? My mentor wasn’t by my side…
For the sake of the slopes I pulled the handle brake a few times
but I did not stall or hit anyone’s nose
I felt quit victorious as I pulled in the school’s parking lot
And as my last class ended, all I could think about was driving back home
It was my brother who implanted my “love” for machines
He believed and trusted in my skills, he had taught me to “control the machine”
And as I got older speed became part of the passion
My first car, a 2000 VW Jetta manual grew my desire to race
My loyalty to the law betrayed my desire to go 100 mph
but I managed to squeeze in a few of them at times
Then came the boat! The experience “takes your breath away”
There’s the breeze of the Atlantic Ocean,
or the green lush of the New England forests shining on the water,
and the perfection of the sky, with the most beautiful sound of splashing water,
all in one speed!
Then came the plane! I was flying over the hills of Vermont
In a small yellow training plane, “it’s your turn to fly,” I was told
My teeth almost fell out because I couldn’t stop smiling
“What do you think?” the pilot asked… “I love it, this is amazing!”
Up and down we went, until my pilot said it’s time to go back.
As I drive through the streets at night and see that shiny green light at the distance…
off I go and ask God, “Will I die of joy as we fly over the New Jerusalem?”
I have yet to drive a ship, a train, an eighteen wheeler, a motorcycle, and a few more trucks!
and my conscious perhaps forbids me to go on a race track
But I know that none of these will suffice the greatest adventure of all
to fly from planet to planet once Jesus rescues us to take us home on the clouds
What a day that will be, when my Jesus I shall see!
This text is dedicated to my brother, Luis Miguel Tapia Ramos
the one and only who gave my family three more bundles of joy, his three children
Today I experience freedom
Freedom is not attained through our efforts,
Freedom is attained through pure love.
In my life, I’ve experience pain and sadness,
I’ve witness injustice and suffered through disease,
I’ve felt weak and broken,
rejected and distressed,
humiliated and empty…
and with each of these feelings
as I wept and cried out Your name in the dark,
You brought joy to me each morning.
As the years go by I’ve witnessed how much love You’ve given me
In the darkest of my days, when home seemed so far away, You were there for me
when my heart faded, You came and played music to revive it
You give me a reason to live,
You give me strength, for I was saved from slavery,
slavery to the pleasures of this world,
slavery to intellect,
slavery to opinions,
slavery to attention
The source of my happiness comes from You, because You love me,
You love me, even when I leave your side,
You love me, even when I mistreat others,
You love me, even when I have negative thoughts,
You love me, even when I don’t speak to you.
Heal me father for I am not worthy to be called your child!
I give my life to You, for I cannot lead it with purity,
I can’t walk straight without You holding my hand,
I cannot see without Your guidance,
I cannot breath without Your protection,
I cannot love without Your love.
Thank You for loving me,
I am weak and retched but I choose to give you the little strength I have,
I want to serve You all the days of my life,
for without You I am nothing,
take everything from me,
but never, never leave me!
I love you Father and I yearn to be with you all the days of my life!
El Camino Hacía La Libertad
Hoy camino en libertad La libertad no se obtiene por medio de nuestros esfuerzos La libertad se obtiene por medio del amor puro
En mi vida he sentido dolor y tristeza,
he vivido injusticias y sufrido enfermedad, Me he sentido débil y destrozada,
rechazada y confundida,
humillada y vacía… y con cada uno de estos sentimientos,
llorando y clamando tu nombre en la oscuridad, me llenaste de alegría cada mañana.
Pasan los años y veo claramente cuanto amor me has dado En los días mas oscuros, cuando mi hogar se sentía tan lejos, estuviste conmigo cuando mi corazón se estremecía, tu llegaste y con música lo reviviste Tu me das razón para vivir,
me das fuerzas, pues me salvaste de la esclavitud, la esclavitud a los placeres de este mundo, esclavitud a la sociedad y a las opiniones de la gente, esclavitud a la atención de otros
Tu eres la razón de mi felicidad, porque tu me amas, me amas aunque me separe de tí, me amas aunque no trate bien a otros, me amas aunque mi mente este llena de pensamientos negativos, me amas aunque no te dirija mi palabra durante el día.
Bendíceme padre, no merezco ser llamada tu hija! Te entrego mi vida a tí, porque no puedo llevar una vida pura sin tí. No puedo caminar recto sin agarrarme de tu mano. Mi vista esta nublada sin tu luz. No puedo respirar sin tu protección. Gracias por amarme, soy débil y miserable
pero decido darte lo poco de fe que tengo para servirte todos los días de mi vida,
porque sin tí no soy nada. Despójame de lo que tengo, pero nunca, nunca me abandones. Te amo padre, te amo, y anhelo estar contigo todos los días de mi vida!
Each one of us experiences pain, some may experience more than others but for each the feelings are the same, it’s exhausting and we urge to get rid-off of it quickly.
I experienced deep pain on my chest while in college, every breath that I took was so painful that breathing turned into a sword. It punctured my chest with vibration. The nurse asked me to lay down on my back and I screamed of pain. Crying was no longer shameful but it made me breath deeper, it was my own enemy. I didn’t want to breath anymore but I did want to live. Sickness has always been the worse scenario in my life, and I didn’t want to anticipate the results but I still concluded… I’m ill. Why were there so many foolish questions, couldn’t she tell I couldn’t breath. “Honey, I’m sorry, I know it’s painful but I still need you to answer these questions,” said the nurse. Once she left, I found pleasure in breathing and was perfectly capable to think extra negatively, I started to ignorantly diagnose myself of the possibilities of this extreme pain. I got an x-ray and was asked to wait for my results. I could sense the pity in the nurse and the doctor, it increased my ignorance. Am I dying… slowly? Is my heart failing? Positivity was so foreign at that time, that only the worse could be in my body. And then… the doctor entered the room, “You’re heart looks perfect! …we have eliminated the worse, you have pleurisy!” Whatever that was, it seemed to be a good thing, and it brought relief. All of a sudden he turned into the top doctor in the state of Massachusetts or perhaps the country. He continued, “this is caused by the inflammation of the pleura, the skin around your lungs. When the pleura gets inflamed it causes extreme pain on your chest. Any healthy youth can get it, the cause is rare, some get it after a cold or some other virus going around. The pain will slowly go away, I can give you anti-inflammatories to reduce it.”
Well… I smiled. All I needed to hear was that I would be ok, scratch the drugs, I’ll bare the pain I thought. This was the first time in my adult life that I realized how cruel it is to be sick, how hard it is to be nice when ill, and how negative one can be. I was finally happy with my pain, it belonged to me and I could bare it because I knew it would go away.
These body aches, as hard as they are, reminded me that vulnerability is the struggle to live. That struggle turns into dependency on others’s words, encouragement, care, and love. When we loose the ability to think straight we think too much of ourselves, and thinking about one’s problems is depressing, pitiful. Whatever the condition may be we have to be there for the ill, and we have to be at the best of our state to help others overcome what once may have consumed us. Paul says, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
May our walk be that of Paul, to be content in whatever state we are, understanding that our redeemer and savior will be by our side even in the worse of our conditions, and his infinite love will rain over our passing suffering for there is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear!
Verses taken from Philippians 4:11-13 & 1 John 4:18
the missionary seeks justice in foreign lands, offers bread to the needy, builds houses for the orphans, laughs with the poor, meditates with strangers, and preaches love to the loveless
the missionary nurses the children, builds castles out of mud, climbs the fig tree, and sells the fruits for an exchange of a smile
the missionary is truthful, honorable, and capable of expressing clearly the feelings which God has imparted him with
the missionary gives and builds her character by mere contemplation of the sorrows of this world
the missionary is strong and courageous and could kill a lion to save a life, and yet he would grieve for the beast for his heart is pure
the missionary is one who fights valiantly for his friends, for to save a life, he may have to die
a missionary dreams alive of a better outcome for all
”For I am persuaded, that neither death nor sorrow can separate us from the love of the Father”
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing.
And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profiteth me nothing.
Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Love never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Tapia 